Sick Situation .

Yerterday,
Finally , i fever whole day.
sigh, alone stay at home, where are medicine gone?
vomit, cough, sore throat, fever.
they are come to visited me.
the Chinese New Year coming soon, i am sick..haih.
Spend the CNY with my weak body, without healthy.
i think i need dieting now.less to eat fried food.
Drink alot water. i hate my throat. keep cough.
Anybody take care me?
But i know. start from now,i need learn to how take good care myself.
they say i become thin already. reason?
hm... in this week ,lack of appetite,lack of sleep.lack of drink.
is that the source of illness?
Should i adjust my life?.
Bad mood everyday , how i cheep up ?
My face become haggard already. sigh... freaking ugly :(

hmmm... anyone are worthy of my trust now?
i think just only my Mother can be trust now.
whoever my relative,my friends , i lack of confidence on them.
Sorry , i know .believe a person is not so easily.
everythings i just can talk to Her( my mother).
when i feel collapse.Only her support me .told me many knowledge.
She said in this year. better dont ''pak tor'' with boys.
may be after i heared.i will promise..
hmmm.. Sick now. if i continue to write .
later i might going hospital :)
Good Night.

simple me.

At the first, i can tell all the people, im Okay. i know how to be stronger.
falling in love is a normal and simple thing.
have a chance, but also have the opportunity to separate .

Tuesday afternoon until now Wednesday evening,
i didnt sleep whole day, when i close my eyes, the memories like slide show appear in my mind.
awchhh. how suffer is it. this is the reason i cant asleep.
At the school, my expression cant seem like too sad.
i need cheer up by myself. when i in front Celim ,i giving up to pretend.
because she understand my feelings, she tried.
she want i give up all the expectation of him.
Dont worry ,i will give up hope. although i still missing him.
Try my best. i always tell the friends of my side.imma Strong :)
How difficult matter,i also can survive. everyday cheer up .

before the recess,i am crying while telling her our conversation.
She is the second one told me want i give up again.
conclusion is i should give up everything's about him.
This is the best medicine to cure myself .GiveUp.
I will be gradually reduced to expectation of him.
One Word. TIMING! i need time.
I have alot of confidence give up everything's of him :)
after that, i have my new life.single life.
sincerely ,really thanks my friends and my mother , they keep comfort me always.
and today tuition, He said Hi to me. LOL. i avoid him !
too late of my response.i might already scared of him.
Finish the tuition, i also said Hi to him :)
while me and Kong are waiting my mother fetch.
we are going Mcd waiting, i saw him again.
we look at each other=.= i make a weird expression let him see. xD
He make same expression to me.LMAO.
finally ,my mother came. get in the car.
Me ,kong and my mother chat in the car. and radio play the songs of i loving.
Grenade,Solo,My life would sucks with you,Apologize.
reached home.
I online facebook. did something(secret)
and write a status of my feelings.
afterward i went to bath and eat my dinner plus lunch.
I really freaking tired today, almost 7pm i fall to sleep.zzZZZ.
waked up at almost 10,online and write my blog now.
although, today also not a happy day for me, i try control myself dont view his things anymore.
LOKECHIJHIN is giving up.
good luck to me :)pray to myself:)

Give me a sweet dream tonight without him.:D

一个人

该说些什么呢 ?
没有开场白,没有目标,没有思想.
还是这样过日子.还是要生活.还是要继续我的一切.
虽然眼泪不能帮我些什么.只会带来悲伤.让我更伤 .
在现在,又是我很无奈的时候,我又是自己寂寞下来.
没办法,突然间我的生活又得删掉一个我以前依靠,熟悉的人.
怎么不习惯,都得习惯,顺其自然,对不对?
不是我的,到最后都不属于我的.
是我的,自然会回到身边.可是也是要自己努力把握.
其实我也不懂自己有没有把握这段感情.
也许我还不够资格当别人的女朋友.我不适合.
我的阴影又回到身边了,我不敢再次信任任何人.
我要自食其力,我要全靠自己了.我再也没有依靠.
哭.应该只是一段时间吧 ? 应该哭得累了会自然而然收了.
现在应该只是刚开始的磨炼,我还是会继续以泪相伴.
到了我不再在乎他了.眼泪就是消失的时机.
当我听着伤感的歌曲时,总会把忧伤带到自己的心里.
尤其是他常哼的,常听的,唱播放的.
会不自不觉得想到他,而他就是让我想起快乐回忆的来源.
越快乐的回忆,越伤感.那该有多痛苦.
在某地方想念他.
用某东西想念他.
看某个人想念他.
到处都是关于他的回忆在缠绕.真犯贱.
脑袋又失灵了.我怎么才能删除那些关于他的回忆?
我不想当自作多情那个.我不想被人讽刺.
愚笨一次,又再次上当.真的笨的无可药救.
我应该要懂得收手.
那悲剧就不会再次上演.我是不是很天真?很白痴?
怎么又再次相信什么是永远?为什么让我在次相信这两个愚蠢的字.
永远的字眼是用来哄人的.哪来那么多永远?
只有暂时性的恋爱,没有永远的爱情.
总把爱情想得很远,总把爱情排第一.换来的只有自作自受!
改改价值观吧.改改自己的观念吧.那是愚蠢的想法.
我又是时候回到以前自己的生活了.独来独往.我行我素.
常问身边的朋友,单身好么?
他们的答复都说好.因为不用对任何人交代任何事.除了家人.
事实是这样的吗?难道不感到孤单吗?
朋友不能陪你到永远的.只有亲人.
爱情更不会陪你到老.就算结婚后,又怎么样?
好的,伴你永远.不好的,有外遇,抛妻弃子.
我还年轻,不改想得太遥远.年轻的,玩玩就好了,不必太过于认真.
也是保护自己不受伤的方法之一.我也该学学这种道理.
不过,一个人总会孤单吧.那时候真的不知谁能陪谁了.

以前受重伤后,他总会关心我.问我发生什么事了.
他陪我玩着.陪我闹着,陪我烦恼,陪我说笑,陪我谈天.
我还是当他朋友.他喜欢我了?
我糊里糊涂的.我还是不太相信爱情.
受过伤的女生总会有防备,有戒备.
喜欢却有不敢说出对他有意思.那种暗恋,让人心痒痒的.
想跟他说话,怕惹来流言蜚语.想见他,却又不想被他看见.
一起过后,原来他是喜欢自己的.有缘.可无份.
就快满5个月了.这段感情最后还是不能 继续.
贪心点,就算刚满5个月吧.我的漫长恋爱.
结束后,应该没有人会舍得每一段分开的恋情.
我也不例外.我想继续下去.
事实归事实,我就快清醒了.我会清醒的.
我会控制自己不要再爱上他!
忍着自己的心不要存放他.
忍着自己的手不要拿起电话找他.
忍着自己双目不要看到他跟女生暧昧.
忍着自己的脑不要想到他.
虽然,现在未成功,也不懂是否成功.
可能只是纸上谈兵.可能言出必行.
也只是可能在作怪.
难道放弃一个人真的易如反掌吗?
难道喜欢却又不归你的,不痛苦吗?
我不是超人,我甚至比普通人更差劲.
我不懂得照顾好自己,我不懂我的目标.
我只懂我想为我们未来会更加努力,因为你会常伴我左右.
帮我开导,与我分享及分担.
可是人真像一场梦.梦的和现实果然是两回事.
上天在开我玩笑吗?
我原本不想要的,却来得易.
到我真的要时,却又轻易拿回了.
拿走了属于我自己的快乐.我的喜怒哀乐.
一夜瞬间,全都一场空.

那多可笑.

不值吧！

原本今天不太想去上学.可是经过一番考虑.
还是乖乖的上学吧.
初初到学校,跟平时一样,笑得很傻,玩得很疯狂.
到了下课,整个人都像死了,没有胃口吃东西.
买了碗粉,坐在食堂慢慢吃着,怎么眼泪又来了?
我又要添加调味料了,吃得好辛苦.不想被她们见到,可是它就是不听话.
立刻回班上把衣服盖着自己的丑脸.那该有多难看.
昨晚没睡,所以还是在班上睡着了.真的好累!
放学了,我总是最迟回家的那一个,一个人在等车.
说真的,一个人的时候想好多东西.眼泪总该忍着.不能掉下!
回家后,看着电话好一阵子,没在期待什么,只是不太习惯.
冲凉后,上网就是下一个目标.
看着面子书,很无奈.不懂自己的心情是怎么样.无法形容!
跟她谈了一番,觉得她所说的可能性真的比找到钻石更难!
说真的,爱当然爱,可是如果我错了,我会认,
我没有做错,我打死都不低头.
我不是固执,我是有我的原则!
你不明白我,那何苦为难你呢?
你不体谅我,那何苦勉强你呢?
你不爱我,那何苦继续绞缠呢?
我未放手,我会等.我等你完全对我死心.等你有新的恋情!
我就会自然而然的放手.生活各自精彩~
看了一些刺眼又讨人厌的一举一动.
我真得恨不得拿起电话去骂他,管他妈是谁!
以前受够了那种让人反感的东西,想不到今天是重蹈覆徹.
结果就是要他消失在我的视线.那我就可以不当一回事了.
不知为什么心还是痛着,不想看到,什么都不想看到!
心却是想着,想着,不停的想着
心是我的吗 ?怎么没有了知觉!
不管怎么样,我一定不能把眼泪流下!
我再也不会为他流一滴眼泪.既然他那么喜欢跟女生暧昧.
我宁愿自挂双目.
我笨,我蠢.眼泪一点都不值得!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我能不能选择不爱了?

他

原来今天也是个特别的日子.我变回了单身的日子.
有点不习惯,有点不自在,有点伤心,有点心痛!
眼泪总是不听话的流下了,心跳也跳得不寻常.
原来我是可以那么容易的流眼泪,虽然几个小时不算什么~
可是以后的几个小时再加上每一天的几个小时,那就眼泪可以把桶装起来了!
还记得以前的我爱情失败后,换来的是体重少了几公斤.
食欲也没有了,失恋后的日子,不好过及难受!
眼泪就一直不停的流,鼻子一直酸酸的.眼睛就是红红的~
那种行尸走肉的生活,真的令我不想活了.
谁料到,今天开始我就要开始这种生活,时间比平常还要漫长~
那我以后是不是不能再见到你了?
是不是再也听不到你的声音了?
是不是再也看不到你为我写部落格了?
是不是再也听不到你说我爱你了?
是不是再也听不到你对我撒娇了?
是不是再也不能牵住你的手了?
是不是再也不能去你家玩了?
是不是再也不能亲你的嘴唇你的脸颊了?
是不是再也收不到你发给我的信息了?
是不是再也不能看到你的来电了?
是不是再也不能近距离靠近你了?
是不是再也不能一同去看电影了?
是不是再也不能感受你拥抱我的时候?
是不是不能与你谈天说地了?
是不是再也不能陪我度过以后的日子了?
是不是再也不能看你在面子书写东西给我了?
是不是再也不能听到你再哄我了?
是不是再也不能感受到你的气味了?
是不是再也不能煮我难吃的面给你尝了?
是不是再也没有机会一起去旅行了?
是不是再也没有机会认真的看着你?


还有好多我们曾经度过的细节没有写下~
因为根本就写不完~
真的有好多回忆,开心的,伤心的,搞笑的,恐怖的,甜蜜的.
真地怎么写都写不完.
可是我们的恋爱也可能就这样要结束了.
那么是不是就真的没有机会再甜蜜待续了?
如果我们没有相遇或认识 ,你也许不会喜欢我.
如果我出生不在怡保,你不会遇见我.
如果我比你大,你不会看上我!
如果我是男的,你肯定不会喜欢我.
如果我是同性恋,你一定讨厌我!
如果我不就读女中,你不会认识到我~
如果我是个勤力的学生,绝对不会选择谈恋爱.


如果我很体贴,我们应该不会分开.
如果我很聪明,应该很容易了解别人的心.
如果我厨艺不错,你应该会继续呆在我身边.
如果我脾气好,应该不会时常吵架!如果我很富有,我就可以天天与你见面.
如果我身材好,与你一同 站,那该有多配!
如果我变的斯文,你应该更加喜欢我.


可是那全都是''如果''.
如果我还很爱很爱你,你会不会再给机会我继续我们的爱情?
如果你还爱我,你会不会把我挽回?
其实你有很多事情你不知道,你不了解.
我不是没有改变的,可能你就是不觉得.
你知道吗?我已经想好了情人节当天该怎么度过!
好想把礼物送给你,虽然我没你那么浪漫.

你知道吗?我差不多每一天都读着你写给我的部落格!
真的越看越感动。好像当时就抱着你紧紧地.

你知道吗?我每天都把零用钱存着.
到时就可以去找你了,可以见到你已经很满足了.

你知道吗?我已经想好我毕业后想跟你一起工作.
不是同一间,至少可以同一时间!

你知道吗?我最近开始抽时间去写部落格了.
你说你想天天看我写的部落格.

你知道吗?每次我睡不着或惊醒时.好想去找你
可是怕把你吵醒,没有充足睡眠.

你知道吗?我真的以为你就是我的未来老公.
我在等毕业后不久,成熟点后,要嫁给你.

可是你知道吗?我不是喜欢爱睡觉.
是我不懂得分配时间,睡眠不足,才忽略你的,对不起

我不是每天只顾着上网,我已经少上网了.
我的时间不是陪你就是做功课了.

我不是不在乎你了,只是我有时心情不好，
敷衍的复你信息,说话语气太差.

其实我很珍惜我跟你共同的一切，
我很珍惜我们现在的日子.
我没有浪费你的时间,没有白费你的心机.
你对我累了吗?
对不起我没有利用好我的时间来陪你.
我做事糊涂,常常敷衍了事.我会改掉我的坏习惯.

我什么都不着急.
最着急没有的见你.
最着急怕你生气我.
最着急你心情孬.
最着急你的健康.
最着急你的烦恼,
最着急你的一切.

4个月又20天,
对我来说,算是破纪录了.
未试过有那么长的恋爱了.
谢谢你给过我的一切.谢谢你让我感动过.
谢谢你让我深爱过,谢谢你陪我度过.
谢谢你曾包容我的一切.谢谢你忍受我的坏脾气.
谢谢你付出了那么多,谢谢你那么疼爱我.

其实我该怎么回报你呢?为奴为脾?
还是我要把钱还你?我可要打几年的工~

希望你可以找到更好的,比骆祉晴更好的.
其实一点都不想祝福,不想你找到更好的.
我的确有点自私.

Wx Ax Nx :)

you are busy today :/

LOL. tomorrow is holiday for all students :D
I can online and watch my drama at midnight.
But, today not so happy , today lack of one person to accompany me.
Sigh, whole day is moody . you know? i cant contact you .sigh
make me miss you badly , i cant hear your softly sound.
Tonight, i online Msn, but we chat not enough 10 sentences.
you are so busy? just use your little time to accompany me.
this is waste time or that is unnecessary?
I miss you. serious, i swear.my life cant without you.
hmmm... i thinking , what you doing at this moment?
Do you missing me?
but i can confirm , i really very freaking miss you.
You might didnt feel that.Or didnt look out of that.
Did you feel i am angrying now?
sucks bastard! i need your coax, i need your flirt.
i am still waiting you. i cant find you. just waiting you find me.

blah ,blah, blah. dont know why i keep cough and sore throat.
Is that remind me signs of illness ? yuck.i hate that much.
LOL. god bless me , i can recover as fast as possible.

TOday at the school, i cant explain why i been mad at classroom.
keep laugh , whole classroom is my laughter.
my classmate ask me what happen to me today.
hahahahahahahhahaha, i dont know.
I think this is good premonition for me :D
but , next part. i absent on tuition today . sorry to someone.
and i missed the bus again!how unlucky today? describe with no words.speechless!
Just only can ride home by the taxi, have no choice.
arrived my home sweet home.
text him, and bathed. afterward nap on my lovely comfortable bed.
8something my mother awakened me to eat my dinner.
after that i still waiting his message. we need to chat on Msn.
finally, what he gave me? he is busy!!!! thats all.
sigh. hurt so bad lar. my dear.
when i can everyday call you, text you, contact you?

stupid school life :(

Sigh, I dont know what's wrong with me.
I have a Bad Mood today, very easy to get angry by everyone.
Actually i not idiot , i just had my own trouble.
Is like no one can share with me.i want one person to solve the problem.
arghh. is make me wanna escape all the things.
Dont know can talk with who.
Just now i quarrel with my mother.
Actually, she did not have relations on this matter.
I talk with her with bad moood and loudly. and i glared to her.
Haih, i am sick, when i back from hong kong. i infected with the disease .
Until now, still have not recover. this is one of the troubles.
My homework. sigh, i hav a long long composition want to copy.
next day want to pass up, i scare i lacking the time to copy.
i will giving punish on next day.
Money! i need this much, i want to pay the school fee soon.
but i dont know how to take by my mother. later she doubt on me.
At last, i feel my time is spend very fast and feel so short. not enough i use!
please ! If one day have 30 hours , is very enough to i sleep and rest.
start from reopen school, my life seem as like only have books and study!
how boring it is? i finding tuition now. haih.
is very suffer, usually ,i habit sleep more than 10 hours.
school life i just only can sleep 3 hours more or less than 3 hours.
I will sleep in the classroom, ignore what the teacher teaching.
I slept in classroom today , sleep 2 hours. i cant open my eyes without strength.
my mother fetch me today from school. i cant endure again, sleep in the car.
sigh, is freaking tired my school life.
Form 5 pressure .
Lack of sleep
Lack of money
Lack of time
Lack of rest.
My pitiful school Life.

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